Something that many people don’t know about me is that behind my smile is an over-thinker. I’m not sure what is about to come out as I write this because I have been think about a lot of things lately and I really just wanted to write about it. SO here goes my rant:
I’ve been thinking a lot of religion lately….or just the spiritual side of life in general. I actually filled out a membership form to join this Zen group because I really miss being absorbed into religion. (I was raised as a Buddhist for 10+ years, Theravada Buddhism to be exact.) I guess what I miss most about it is the comfort of having there be something else in this world than just the ground and the sky. I want to believe that this life that I am living in right now is not going to be the only life I live. I want there to be an afterlife so bad because it is the only way that I can ever cope with loss of a loved one. I miss having faith in the unknown. On a side note, I don’t know if anyone has ever thought about this, but I can’t help it but think that we – the universe – is part of something. Maybe we are just like the atoms that make up something else. I feel like that scene in Men in Black where our world is in an Alien’s locker.
Rant subject number two – growing up. I guess that this kind of goes along with what I just wrote, but I have been getting the feeling like I need to be doing something more in life. I don’t understand why people say 20 years old is young. Some of my best friends that I grew up with in the Thailand were married and had kids by the age of 15. Now I’m not saying that I want babies, but I feel like I need to do something. I don’t like it when people tell me that I’m still young and I have my whole life to figure it out. But I WANT TO FIGURE IT OUT NOW so I can spend the rest of my life doing it.
Rant number three – the demons inside of us. I told you this is going to be random… But anyways, something that I have been telling myself when I feel any negative energy towards anything at all, For example if I get jealous over some thing, I simply just tell myself that is the demon inside of me acting out. I need to not pay attention to it and beat it out of me. This again, may seem really silly. But think about it, everyone of us are victims of our own demons: jealousy, anger, self-destruction, depression, etc. Once you overcome your internal demons, it is just so satisfying.
I guess that I all I have for now…. I obviously have more thoughts, but I can’t think of any on the spot. Feel free to rant also.